I write on Holy Saturday, the great example of being in the gap between.
Jesus is dead.
His friends did not know at the time He’d be back tomorrow as the great conqueror who had plundered death, filled hell with the love of God, broken the chains and brought the captives up. He was simply dead – gone. They were more than disappointed, they were grief-stricken, afraid for their own lives, lost and confused, sheep without a shepherd – and filled with guilt for running away and denying him. Who remembered what He’d said about the 3rd day?
We know the Resurrection is coming, but it’s important to imagine ourselves in that nothing place – because our lives are filled with times of transition between seasons, losing what was and not knowing what will come next.
It’s more than waiting for what you know happens next, it’s waiting when you don’t know what happens next
Here we are in such a place now, as the pandemic (supposedly!) ends, restrictions are eased, we can travel to other places again… But actually should we fly off on holidays when jet fuel clearly contributes to the climate crisis? Will the economy totally collapse as the war in Europe disrupts fuel and food supplies? What is wise and safe? What about those who are less privileged, suffering so badly from the rise in cost of living? It’s not the same ‘normal’ is it? In March I had to change all our travelling plans 4 times and in the end we had to stay in Leicester for Easter – a sure sign to me not to presume things will go back to how they were before. On top of that there’s the dreadful feeling here in the UK of being in a political climate that is totally hollow, built on lies, smoke and mirrors and surely must collapse if there is any justice in the world. The shame of it, the powerlessness. Do you feel a bit wobbly? You should!
During Lent, especially being out of the Cathedral building, we’ve been going through the Exodus story ‘from captivity to freedom’ – the 40 years of desert wandering that best exemplifies the liminal space of the desert when we’re leaving and grieving ‘the way things were’ and being prepared for a new way of being. If we resist the change and refuse to move on with the Spirit we’ll get mired in Religion, stuck in dead and empty rituals. In Shake it Off I wrote about the challenge and process of moving on, leaving old behaviour and situations behind, getting ready for something different: How then shall we live? Who are we in this new place? Where is the life now? All questions we must keep revisiting. I suppose I am writing this blog to find out some of the answers…
But nothing is immediate – there is the waiting time, the development of character through testing, discipline and ‘death to self’, the strengthening of our patience muscle that leads to maturity and hope – see Romans 5:3-5! It took Israel a whole generation to get there – they failed the test of faith: 40 years to make a journey of 2 and a half weeks… There quite are a few 40’s in the Bible: I found this blog post listing them all, so I won’t write them all out again (thanks, Roxanne – sadly the first quarantine in 2020 did not last only 40 days as you hoped!) I agree that the number is literal but I’ve heard it said that 40 can also be taken to mean ‘a l-o-n-g time’. Ah – I thought it was the longest Lent this year (which is 40 days when you don’t count Sundays) In comparison, waiting ‘3 days’ doesn’t feel quite as gruelling!
Skip this paragraph if you don’t like or get the ‘numbers stuff’ – it’s been a language God has used with me for many years. Roxanne’s post says all those 40’s signify a time of change and preparation for something new and I agree with that – especially as 4 x 10 = 40, ie, the no of creation x what for me is the number of testing (see this old post for my reasoning). So that makes 40 something of a refining period 😉 Please do also note that my attempt to foresee how the numbers were speaking into our times was as inaccurate as Roxanne’s. I have learned not to get so carried away/try so hard(?!) since then. But don’t throw the baby out with the bathwater because my interpretation was off – the signs are there for those who have faith to see them and the numbers still underline that God is always doing something while we wait.
The thing is when we are waiting we often don’t know how long we will have to wait
So let’s wait in silence in the mystery. Are we waiting well? We really don’t know what’s going on. Like ‘the watchman waiting for the morning’, yearning, crying, ‘How long O Lord?!’
I stopped knowing anything a while ago now. I am according to Myers-Briggs 100% ‘feeler’ – not much of a thinker then?! These days I feel as if my mind has been erased, all the thoughts and words and information swirling around in there in no sort of order at all! Writing helps a lot 😉 But since I had to let go of doing, being in control of my life according to the old structures I’ve had in place for years, since I’ve been learning to relax, rest and be, to flow with prompts and wait for whatever happens my mind isn’t any help. It doesn’t give me words to pray – I just have to use the liturgy or be quiet ‘in prayer’. There are a few things I know that I know… but mostly these days I’m watching and waiting to respond to the ‘next right thing’. It makes me dependent, keeps me humble, allows me to be a little child trusting Abba. Our life doesn’t come from the mind anyway, but from heart and spirit – that deeper place where God dwells in us. She will lead us if we will only listen, He will hold us and walk with us into redemption if we will only trust.
“Behold I make all things new” All the time, from the inside out.
Heart Space 