Who knew that an attempt to ‘Find your Joy’(FYJ) as an artist would initially lead to frustration?! A course aimed at personal responses and release is sure to be intense, but I am surprised at what it has uncovered already 😉
Undoubtedly identifying blockages to freedom of expression is always the best place to begin in any artistic form. I remember studying the Artist’s Way 12 week course a few years ago – ha! 2010 the first time – when I was starting to write. In 2014 I returned to it again and this time drew out my responses using the oil pastels Sîan had given me – my first foray into any sort of pictorial art! The emphasis of the first chapter/week was ‘Safety’ particularly recalling the negative things other people had said, in childhood and since. The second was about ‘identity.’ Disapproval, negativity and criticism not only stop creativity dead before it even has a chance to grow, they also tell us who we are and who we are not allowed to be. Above is my illustration of ‘Recovering Safety’, and below ‘Identity’. I obviously loved using all the bright colours from the start!
More recently, I have found myself blocked in my art by trying to observe too many rules. When I knew nothing I just did it, but as soon as I learned some proper techniques of painting I became afraid of getting it wrong. I found my best expression in abstract acrylics, but even with these have hit a wall and need to move to another level. Exuberance and joy quickly become stifled by anxiety over the finished result and fear of not being ‘good enough’. Louise Fletcher’s course aims to defeat these hindrances from the word go. Her mantra is ‘stop trying to produce a nice painting! Instead experiment with the paints and tools and follow your instincts and feelings‘. The first assignment proved very instructive – and yes, frustrating in a couple of ways as it brought me right up against my limitations!
I dare to show you an unfinished work. No comments please or I won’t do it again 😉 This painting had to be done to a piece of music of our choice using colours to go with the chosen song. Mine was ‘Life in Technicolour’, the joyful instrumental piece by Coldplay and these are my brightest red, yellow and blue. But the track is extremely short – only 2:28 – and we had to stop when it finished! I hardly had time to get the blue paint on and the red and yellow were too wet to simply splash it across the middle as I wanted to!
Fortunately we had a second chance and this time could take as long as we liked, with the song on repeat. I enjoyed putting the colours on to the upbeat tune and wasn’t thinking about it too much, just having fun. I used different tools – palette knives, brushes, scrapers, and, as is my habit, haphazardly applied other colours. When things didn’t please me I tried to cover them up, then add yellow and white to brighten up the dark parts. Oh dear! It seems I was too impulsive, too thoughtless! It turned into an incoherent mess and although there were some serendipitous bits most of it had become ‘muddy’ because I didn’t wait for the layers to dry first. (I’m not the only one this happened to.)
I stopped because I no longer felt happy, just very frustrated. Not liking that feeling I started to search for some ‘nice’ bits and eventually undertook my usual redemptive action and cut 2 small bits out to display: so I felt better again! I like that bit in the middle at the bottom, above the white strip – it’s on the front page of this post and is my Facebook cover photo this week!
BUT… when I reported back on my responses to this assignment I was told in no uncertain terms the instructions were to ‘paint until I stopped’ and leave it at that, to be aware of my feelings while doing it, but not to destroy it! ( and that I had time to use a hairdryer.) The wise and lovely Yorkshire tutor understood what I hadn’t realised: I was trying to make a nice painting!
This module is called STOP TRYING. I thought I had it nailed as I am an instinctive painter and very free and expressive, not afraid of bold, bright colours like many artists are – but I still fell into the trap of trying to make something nice. And this course is not about that, but about experimenting and seeing what happens, about not caring and not judging, just going with the flow. So I am frustrated with myself for falling into that trap – and for thinking I never would!
This fragment from the side of my messy painting is only 3×3″ but I really like it. I’m not sorry I found these small pieces I love: they do make me happy. I have always cut up my huge messes to find these little gems, to rescue something and make the exercise worthwhile. But what I really need to learn is how I got these effects – so I can repeat them and progress. The sessions on how to use the paints properly, composition, texture, colour and tone will help me move on in the weeks ahead I am sure. Painting through the mess, building layers, giving it more time, repeating what works for me and not doing what doesn’t, following the instructions and continuing to play will give an authentic and personal result. Trying to make a ‘nice painting’ will not!
Heart Space 