Why is it so hard to start on the BIG things? Perhaps it’s because there is satisfaction when something is completed and little things take less time – a quicker dopamine hit?! More little things can be accomplished in a day, more outstanding items ticked off, the list gets shorter. But the guilt and pressure over the important things grows bigger!
Name the swirl of good and want within you, throat a song
from what’s been hiding. You will not be unheard.
This is from Gideon’s poem which I quoted last time. It’s what I’m trying to do with this blog this year – find my voice again. And maybe by writing to sort out the “swirl of good and want within”. That’s also why I write lists of things to be done, so I don’t forget – and I don’t have to remember! (You know what I mean, clear your head by getting it on paper.) But I gave up working my way through the ‘to do’ list a long time ago. That’s no way to live, guided by an external ‘ought to’. I want to tune into what’s within and live from there and if that takes in something on the list that’s a great starting place. Creativity is a flow – and also a swirling, a conjunction, an expression…
But why is it so hard to do the creative things? To allow that space and time to dig into something? There is a resistance every time we set ourselves a worthwhile task, whether that’s exercising regularly, starting painting again or writing… Hey, look! I managed to put fingers to keyboard! I’m winning! Yet I am avoiding the thing I really want to excavate from within. That will be next time, I tell myself – I’m building up to it, preparing the way. Hmmm, maybe.
I must have written about the War of Art before – ah yes, here it is: Resistance. It’s a book by Steve Pressfield and a video conversation with him was part of Louise Fletcher’s Find your Joy art course that fully released me into painting back in September 2023. Resistance is what makes us put off and divert and do anything BUT the thing we really want to do. I’d say ‘should do’ but that isn’t the right word exactly, too loaded – likely to create more resistance in the rebellious heart! No, it’s more about knowing what will take us where we want to go but refusing to breakout, like St Paul in Romans chapter 7 saying “the things I would do I find myself not doing”
However I know part of the resistance problem is I’m tired. I’ve worn myself out this week doing all those little things and driving around in the car doing yet more little things yesterday. Rest is the only starting place for anything – at least I know that! I must get back to base and look after myself until I feel the energy rise again, the spring that bubbles up within. I must keep building the chapel in a corner of (my) heart and walking my voice through the different shades of ache Gideon also mentioned in that poem from last time
Then maybe next time I will write the piece I really want to post! 😉
Heart Space 