Have you ever sat in a coffee shop people-watching, or looked at the cars passing you on the motorway? All those individuals, every one of those people, every head on every pillow, has a whole world inside their heads. I find that mind-blowing: that every person has their own view on life, loved-ones, experiences, dreams, questions, stories to tell. I’m just not interested enough in other people, unlike my husband who wants to know everybody on planet! And sometimes a person has such a ‘presence’ about them – something more than just their physical body in the room, but their spirit affecting the atmosphere – for good or ill. I always know when I am alone in the house – I feel the absence of my husband’s big personality! It’s as if our bodies are containers for life and it bursts out of us in all sorts of ways.
It is not just the TARDIS that is bigger on the inside!
I am a woman in my mid-sixties, living in the heart of England. I discovered the cathartic release of blogging in September 2010 as a way to share the journey through our son’s illness, along with other aspects of my life and view of the world. This is my original blog link. It has a huge archive of posts that I have not yet managed to turn into a book about Sam (though I tried!) and links to other blogs I set up later.
At that time, I felt as if I had a coat on with jewels sown into the lining. I felt I had something to say and needed a vehicle to say it. As I opened the coat the light would catch one of them and I could bring it out, examine it, share it with others. It was therapeutic for me and – to my delight – helpful to others as they read. I had found something I could do in the midst of a very difficult few years.
I’ve had various blogs over the years since then and this one is my response to 2022. Rather than a coat with jewels I feel now more like a bag full of liquid that’s been collecting within. The pressure has grown until these words have insisted on being released. It’s a flow I can hardly keep up with and have no idea where it may go. All I know is the only story I have to tell is my own.
My inner world is very well-developed: I have paid a lot of attention to it. It is the only way to come to terms with bereavement, disappointment or any kind of loss and a huge part of any spiritual journey. It is the only way to find healing for those hurts we all carry and the path to maturity as a human being. Whether through journalling, creativity, prayer, counselling, friendships, retreats – giving time to be aware of feelings, responses, seasons of life – I hope I have made progress toward a more content and kinder version of who I am meant to be.
Take one life, cut it open, look inside. Find the childhood first, identify the traumas and wounds, strengths and weaknesses. Check out the relationships – good ones and not-so-good ones. Discover various friends and relations, which culture, faith and newspaper your subject prefers. See how the years go by and follow the choices made – the sowing of seeds, the faithfulness or lack of it, whether sinned or sinned-against. Is forgiveness present in the mix or do you detect bitterness? Sense of humour? Arrogance or acceptance? “Lord have mercy on me a sinner” or “I did it my way?”
from Director’s Cut on Write on Sally
In addition I have been incredibly blessed in my life, with an amazing husband, a number of beautiful homes as we’ve moved around over the years, numerous friends and great trips and holidays – truly life to the full. As a result my inner world is populated with every colour of experience from the deep, dark purple of losing our 27 year old son to brain cancer to the shining white snow lying on the peak of Mount Etna, from the dull maroon-red pain of being motherless since the age of twelve to the clear azure waters of our belovèd Isles of Scilly.
As individuals we are all capable of creativity, truth and grace. We can all make a difference in this world with our words and gifts. I couldn’t do anything without my faith in Jesus who has brought incredible strength and redemption through the tragedies I’ve lived through and filled our lives with good things we don’t deserve. He has taken possession of the house of my soul from the cellar to the attic and insists on cleaning and redecorating every room I open up to Him 😉
If you’re reading this, welcome to this part of my journey – bigger on the inside and loving it!
Heart Space 