Summer’s end

On Tuesday afternoon my right big toe caught in the hem on the left leg of my new, floaty trousers and in the same way that happens when you tread on an untied shoelace, I fell headlong onto New Walk. As my head bounced off the hard surface I curled into a ball crying with pain, badly winded. It took a while to wear off but I was aware of concerned people gathering around me – all I could think of was can you get my handbag – phone, keys, lost glasses. Once I’d demonstrated nothing was broken they helped me clamber to my feet and sit on the wall, where a first-aider who’d been working nearby produced an instant ice pack, alcohol wipe and plaster for the cut on my brow. People are so kind – two women, a rough-looking Asian man drinking a can of lager and Chris the builder with his first-aid kit. Bless them – it’s embarrassing but amazing to be on the receiving end of so much care.

I very carefully walked the few yards home, watching my traitorous sandalled feet, and made the prescribed cup of tea, recovering from shock, examining my grazes and bruises. My poor right arm took the brunt of the fall and has been pretty sore since. The old cut that opened on my right eyebrow – stitched up when I came off my bike a couple of years ago, the event that finally sent me to buy a cycle helmet! – has healed over, but a purple black eye is developing nicely. No more wearing sandals with those trousers! But I draw the line at wearing a helmet while walking, even if I do make a habit of falling over every few months.

It was an accident waiting to happen, a giant full-stop after weeks of busyness and the resulting exhaustion. I’m grateful it wasn’t worse and more than grateful for the kindness of strangers. I was alone at home, hubby being away for a couple of nights conferring, and I was struck with a desperate longing for my mother. She has been dead for over 50 years so that wasn’t going to happen: sometimes we just want someone to look after us. I had to put myself to bed with analgesia – and appreciated the added comfort of a cat sitting on my chest more than usual 😉

What a summer – a bit of a marathon in all that heat! Going to France twice with a month in Leicester in between was just too much back-and-forth to be restful, especially when you add in visitors and various dinner parties in both places, three Leicester tea parties in the garden and a broken car causing stress whenever we drove. Truly never a dull moment, living life to the full, making the most of every opportunity! But… not enough down time and as we get older we need and even want more of that. It’s fairly obvious when I clearly haven’t blogged for so long – not enough me time.

While Martin was away this week I actually had the silence and solitude to feel how I am actually doing. I was surprised by the anger and tears that made themselves felt. Or perhaps not so surprised – the underlying unhappiness rises up even when I am in paradise on the beach in Brittany, in the hammock reading my seventh novel – distraction always helps! – or sitting in our New Walk garden drinking tea in the sunshine. We have everything, there is no reason to be sad. But there is – and there it is.

So I guess it’s back to counselling for me, more blogging, more processing, better self-care. These days the state of my body – pain and discomfort levels, fatigue and aching muscles – has an even greater effect on mood and wellbeing. Physical needs have come to the fore – it’s hard to be at peace when you feel ill. Fortunately we have a week of real rest coming up in my favourite place in the world, celebrating our 40th wedding anniversary. Being alone with Martin makes me happy, not having to cook or keep house, lovely food and wine, seaside and scenery, great memories: all restorative.

I am blessed.